blog

  When a disagreement gets heated with a colleague, it’s normal to feel all sorts of emotions: disappointment, anger, frustration. But should you express those emotions? Or try to keep them close to your chest? Will it help if you tell your colleague that they’ve made you mad? Should they know how upset you are? … Read more

  Making up after an argument is more than just saying you’re sorry. Jason and Kate had one of those late-night arguments last night…again. It wasn’t one of their worst, but it left them both feeling raw. The next morning was awkward, circling around each other in the kitchen as they got coffee. One of … Read more

Conflict avoidance is one of the biggest topics that keep coming in couples counseling sessions. Holding off conflicts happens when one partner avoids conflicts in order to protect the relationship against another escalation. Sometimes withdrawing or distancing yourself in order to avoid conflicts makes so much sense. However, this pattern erodes the relationship foundation because … Read more

In a perfect world, we would all get along beautifully — no fighting, no misunderstandings, and no awkward tension. Unfortunately, with so many different personalities and opinions, this reality isn’t very likely, but we can work to make communication a little smoother. There are a number of tricks that can help us resolve conflicts faster, … Read more

Conventional wisdom (and research) says that good communication can improve relationships, increasing intimacy, trust, and support. The converse is also true: poor communication can weaken bonds, creating stress, mistrust and even contempt! Because conflict is virtually inevitable in relationships (and not necessarily a sign of trouble), you can reduce a significant amount of stress and … Read more

Conflict wreaks havoc on our brains. We are groomed by evolution to protect ourselves whenever we sense a threat. In our modern context, we don’t fight like a badger with a coyote, or run away like a rabbit from a fox. But our basic impulse to protect ourselves is automatic and unconscious. We have two … Read more

“Thought changes structure … I saw people rewire their brains with their thoughts, to cure previously incurable obsessions and trauma.” ~ Norman Doidge, Canadian-born psychiatrist and author of The Brain That Changes Itself Neuroplasticity: The Good and The Bad The human brain is remarkably malleable. It can be shaped very much like a ball of … Read more

The Four Arenas of Board Conflict For boards of directors of community organizations, there are typically four arenas in which conflict manifests itself. Conflict among board members Conflict on the board itself arises as a result of differences between individual directors or factions of directors. Camaraderie and friendship is often important for volunteer directors and … Read more

  In my coaching work with leaders and teams, I often ask my clients whether they engage in workplace gossip. More often than not, they respond, “of course not!” with a look on their faces that indicates that they are insulted to have been asked such a question. But when I ask them whether they … Read more

I was in denial for about a year and a half before I admitted that I needed to fire Randy. His work performance had made the conclusion inescapable for years, but he was so darned nice and likeable that I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Not only did I like him, I also … Read more